One of the hardest trials to overcome in a relationship is infidelity. Just the very notion that your partner may be cheating on you is enough to break the trust between you two. With over 90% of people thinking that cheating is something that an unforgivable act, why do 30-40% of people end up cheating on their partners anyway? This is the topic that we are going to discuss below.
Table of Contents
1. Attention
Whether the romantic flame has dwindled or honeymoon period has come to an end, your partner may end up feeling like you do not spend enough time with them. The initial interest that has brought you both together has now come to an end. For Dylan Selterman, a social psychologist from the University of Maryland, he has claimed that “lack of love is a powerful motivation – it’s definitely one of the stronger ones”. If you and your partner are just not interested in spending time together, or worse yet, just prefer spending time apart from each other. That may mean that your overall connection may be dwindling. Your partner may cheat in order to find someone who validates them, or maybe even as a last ditch effort to grab your attention. After all, for them, negative attention is better than no attention at all.
2. Revenge
You have probably heard of the term “an eye for an eye”, well this is the mentality that some partners take if they feel like they have been emotionally neglected throughout their relationship. Either that or perhaps you are the one who committed the infidelity in the past. At the end of the day, your partner may be trying to make you feel the same pain that they have been through. Whilst this solution truly does not solve anything apart from making the relationship worse, as this can only really be soothed by relationship counselling, your partner may be trying to get revenge and send you a message about how they feeling towards you.
3. The Lack of Sex
Let’s face it, a relationship can be extremely difficult to maintain with life’s daily schedule. You need to truly like each other to make things work, but with professional, familial and social commitments adding a stressful dynamic to the relationship, you may find that you are either too tired or just cannot make time for sex. That is why your partner may end up finding their gaze drift to other people, for instance to escorts in London, who might be able to provide them with a sexual commitment. These sorts of infidelities can be seriously painful once they are uncovered as they may lead the faithful partner to question whether or not they truly are a good lover.
4. Drunken Mistake
In an interview with the Times of India, psychiatrist, Anjali Chhabria, stated that
“Alcohol has often been used by individuals to reduce their own fears, cope with their anxiety and deal with their negative emotions leading to a temporary state of happiness. It usually reduces inhibitions and sometimes helps express repressed emotions.”
That is why you will find that it is more likely that partners cheat when they are intoxicated. Not only do they feel more confident but their one-track focus will mean that they ignore any sense of guilt or worry. That is until after the encounter ends and they sober up and realise what they have done.
This sort of infidelity may also signal a bigger problem, as usually over-drinking tends to symbolise a cry for help. Either it is a way to grab your attention or to let you know that they have a drinking problem. This can be soothed through relationship or addiction counselling.
5. A Reason to End the Relationship
Let’s face it, after a while all good things come to an end. Whether your relationship ends amicably or you both just come to the conclusion that things are just not working between you two, one of the worst ways your partner can signify the end is through cheating. They may not have the confidence to let you down verbally, so instead, they simply allow their actions to do the job for them. If you catch your partner cheating, and they try to simply blow you off, it may be time to just end things instead of forcing yourself to suffer any further.
6. Lack of Self-Esteem
It may not make you feel good to know that your partner has low self-esteem, especially if you have put so much effort into them, but this does tend to be a root cause of infidelity for some partners. With over 57% people thinking that low self-esteem is one of the core motivators of cheating, it may be that the cheater simply does feel like they truly deserve you as a partner, thus try to push you away from them. This insecurity can also stem from their family and friends. They do not have power over their lives, thus they act out in different ways.
7. An Unhealthy Relationship
Toxic relationships can truly bring out the worst in people. Whether this is through verbal arguments, “the cold shoulder”, guilt-tripping or, even worse, the start of physical abuse, this can lead to resentment within the relationship. In order to get away from this unhealthy environment, your partner’s eyes may start to wander towards someone who treats them kinder. If this is the sort of thing that is happening within your relationship then you will need to seek help as soon as possible. If you are ready to be in a relationship with someone then you should be willing to accept their flaws. However, should things are really this bad in your relationship, you may just want to consider just ending it and finding someone else who is a better fit for you.
8. Serial Cheater/ Sexual Addiction
Sometimes there are just people who do not want to commit to a monogamous relationship, however, they may meet someone extremely nice and then fall into the trap of trying to commit themselves to a relationship. Instead of getting the help they need through counselling or group therapy, they may end up simply continuously cheap because that is the sort of life they have become used to over the years. It may be to cope with the daily struggles of life but may cause even more self-destructive problems if it leads to infidelity.
9. Lack of Commitment
When it comes to holding a long term relationship, this can take a lot of dedication to a person’s chosen partner. The fun of being able to have flings with other people is due to the feeling of being chased. It is great to know that other people find you attractive, especially if you get the thrill of being flirted with. Whilst most of us would tell the “flirter” that we are taken, there are some that just don’t want to commit to their partners. If they have told their partners that they want an open relationship, then this would be fine, but as they maintain the facade of wanting a committed relationship, this does nothing but destroy the trust within their relationship. There is only so many times that they can say sorry before the relationship cannot be salvaged.
10. It Runs in the Family
Whether it is like father like son, or like mother like daughter, if someone grows up with a serial cheater in the family then they may learn from their behaviours. That is why they might not think that cheating is honestly not a bad thing. They simply do not understand or want to remain detached from intimacy. For being able to have various flings means that they are able to protect themselves from being vulnerable with people. If they have grown up in a particularly negative household then they may not see the infidelity as particularly abnormal.
Any Additional Reasons?
Of Course, infidelity is the sort of thing that a couple can struggle to bounce back from. After all, once a partner decides to have a fling with someone else, it breaks all forms of trust with their other half. For if they are willing to cheat with one person then why wouldn’t they cheat with someone else? However, with proper counselling then there is potential for a couple to get back together, but it will only be through true commitment that the trust can be regained.
So, what are your thoughts on infidelity? Can a couple survive it or should they just end things? Let us know below in the comments.
